Returning to the Girl Who Loved Stories

 

I'm going back to where it all started ... 💖

I mentioned in my last post that I've started therapy again, and that part of the deep reflection that comes with therapy helped me realised I have been lost as a writer for years. Today, I want to talk a little more about that.

A part of me has known for a long time that something was off. I had theories. I made guesses, But the real reason always eluded me. 

Recently, after a lot of reflection, I think I've finally found the cause and, by extension, how I can break the cycle of writer's block I've been stuck in since 2017. 

The cause? Letting other people determine my reason for writing. 

Since 2013, I've been told (in one way or another) - by university lecturers, fellow students, friends, writing communities, interviews with famous authors, or writing magazine aricles - that writers need to take writing seriously. That it should be treated like a second job if you want to succeed. That if you're not making money from it, it isn't worth pursuing.

I strongly disagree that writing is only worthwhile if it makes money. But, I could see how, in certain circumstances, treating it like a job might be necessary.

So, I tried. 

I convinced myself that to be taken seriously as a writer, I had to treat it like a business above all else. 

That might work for someone else. 

But, for me, it slowly stripped away every ounce of joy, safety, and pleasure I used to find in writing. 

It led to:

• Forcing myself to try to write every day - if I didn't, the voice in my head told me I was a failure (often triggering writer's block)
• Feeling constantly overwhelmed by marketing and publishing strategy - things I've never been able to wrap my head around
• Writing what I thought others would approve of instead of what I loved
• Accepting criticism without defending my creative instincts or trusting my intuition
• Losing the confidence I'd carried in my writing since I was five years old
• Isolating myself from other writers because I was terrified of being judged as 'not serious' enough

Eventually, I hit a breaking point. 

That's when I tried to fix it. I relearned everything I could about writing. I hired my book coach. I rejoined writing communities. And, I told myself I was taking control of my writing life again. 

After that shift, I completed a full round of edits on my novel. I felt triumphant, like I'd cured myself. 

But, then, another year-long writer's block hit.

The real fix came later, in therapy.

With my therapist's help, we untangled the pattern: the only way our was to return to why I started writing in the first place.

(Kudos to my book coach, who had tried to guide me there before. I just wasn't ready to remember yet😅)

When I really asked myself why I started writing, the answer was simple.

It wasn't recognition.

It wasn't money.

It wasn't bestseller lists.

It was because I love stories and I wanted to share mine with other people who loved stories too.

So now, I'm letting eight-year-old me - the girl with the huge imagination and confidence like armour - take the reigns again. 

Through her, I'm re-learning how to enjoy writing again. How to have fun. How to create without the constant pressure to be 'serious' or marketable, or impressive.

Will I still publish my novels? Yes.

But I won't be breaking my mental capacity to appease the industry.

My priority now is simple:

• Write the stories
• Edit them until I'm proud
• Put them into the world
• Let readers decide

Nor more contorting myself to fit someone else's definition of a 'real' writer. 

If this resonates with you on any level, I hope it gives you permission to return to your own reason for creating ❤️

Keep your eyes peeled for more news here and on my Instagram!