Learning to Belong as a Writer

In a world that's increasingly fake, it can be hard to feel truly accepted ... 

Whenever someone compliments my writing, my immediate thought is almost always the same:

They're jsut being nice ... they'd say that to anyone.

It doesn't matter how specific it is or how much I respect the person saying it. My instinct is to deflect. To minimise. To assume politeness over sincerity. 

Because, if they don't really meant it, I don't want to be foolish enough to believe they do. 

I've realised this doesn't just affect how I accept praise. It also affects how I exist in the writing world.

I hesitate to build deeper friendships in writing communities. I often pull back before I get too comfortable. I struggle to support others publicly in case it somehow shines a light back on me. I downplay my wins and shrink into myself.

It's hard to feel like you belong somewhere when you don't fully believe anyone wants you there.

Eight-year-old me didn't have this problem.

If someone said they liked her story, she believed them (and if someone didn't like it she said, 'oh, well ... I like it' and that was good enough). If someone wanted to be her friend, she assumed they were. She didn't question kindness - she accepted it and carried on climbing trees in her princess dress.

Somewhere along the way, I experienced abuse that stripped my ability to trust people (including those close to me) and when some of my friends and family turned away from me, I learned to doubt that kind of ease.

To look for obligation instead of encouragement.

To brace for the moment people realised I'm not as good as they thought. 

And that mindset has made writing lonelier than it needs to be.

So, I'm practising something new.

When someone compliments my work, I'm trying to say 'thank you' with the full belief that they mean want they say. 

When someone reaches out, I'm trying not to retreat.

When people show they care, I'm trying to believe them.

It feels uncomfortable. Exposed. Vulnerable. 

Perhaps community isn't just about showing up - maybe it's about letting yourself be seen, and trusting that others mean what they say. 

I don't have this mastered, but I'm learning that believing people care might be just as brave as writing my stories in the first place.

Keep your eyes peeled for more news on my writing here and on my Instagram!